New Year’s Bummer

Don’t think I’ve ever felt this bad.
A helluva way to start the year.
The worst January first I’ve ever had.
I can hardly see or hear.

Just cleaning up an unfinished drink
Is enough to make me sick.
The chips and the dips lie in the sink
And my tongue is way too thick.

     What a celebration!
     I swore this New Year’s Eve would be the biggest party yet.
     Somehow I invited six or seven dozen people more
     Than I had ever met.
     What intoxication!
     I stocked up every kind of booze in quantities galore.
     Perhaps I should have simply moved my furniture and guests into
     The corner liquor store.

The music was a little loud
The cops came by to complain.
But they didn’t stay to quiet the crowd;
They just left with my best champagne.

Auld Land Syne played through the roar
And the kisses flew about.
A girl gave me a whirl and dragged me to the floor
Where all I could do was pass out.

     What agonizing pain!
     The merriest making of them all is all too soon unnerving.
     And memories of what was done while merry-making are enough
     To prove that we’re deserving.
     What a throbbing brain!
     I feel like bloody battles have been fought inside my head.
     And my burning eyes can see that my apartment was the chosen spot
     To bury all the dead.

So this is how each year begins
With torture, garbage and regret.
They say that we pay for all our sins
But it’s not over yet.

Don’t think I’ve ever felt this bad.
A helluva way to start the year.
The worst January first I’ve ever had
And it all goes downhill from here…