The Exhibitionist Rag

It’s great anticipation,
That fire you can feel,
Awaited revelation
Which I will now reveal.

Each one of us is special
So my game must be played.
The rule is that my flesh’ll
Soon be publicly displayed.

     CHORUS:
     ’Cause I’m an average exhibitionist
     Just trying to get along.
     Society may frown at me
     But I don’t see nothing wrong
     With wearing just a raincoat
     And showing you my form
     ’Cause you can see inside if I should open wide
     When I get to feeling warm.

Well, I’m a mister ordinary neighbor everyday American
And nothing special sort of guy.
You’ll see me every weekend at the local supermarket
Buying hot dogs and apple pie.

I take a drink on Friday night and go to church on Sunday
Monday morning I’m-a back to work
So there’s no need to get upset when just like everybody else
I’ve got one little quirk.

     CHORUS:
     ’Cause I’m an average exhibitionist
     Just trying to get along.
     Society may frown at me
     But I don’t see nothing wrong
     With wearing just a raincoat
     To me it seems the norm.
     And you can see inside if I should open wide
     When I get to feeling warm.

Now, I might get the urge at a busy intersection
Or the public swimming pool.
At the ladies’ social picnic
Or meet the kids out after school.

I keep a watch for poison ivy hiking with the boy scouts—
I don’t like anything rash.
But if you give just the proper time and place and situation
I’m off like a flash.

     There’s a big, bargain discount and all the salesladies
     Are showing me their stuff
     So I figure I’ll do the same for them
     But I do it in the buff.

     Back at home a religious group or charity
     Comes knocking at my door
     So I give them something that isn’t quite
     What they were asking for.

     CHORUS:
     ’Cause I’m an average exhibitionist
     Just trying to get along.
     Society may frown at me
     But I don’t see nothing wrong
     With wearing just a raincoat
     I’ve no wish to reform
     And you can see inside if I should open wide
     When I get to feeling warm.

Now everybody needs a special something
About which they can brag.
As for me I just put on the dog
And let the cat out of the bag.

I feel like a statistic,
Just a number to compute,
But even Park Avenue takes fashion notes
When I wear my birthday suit.

     If you’re like me, I’ve got a dream
     I’ve never before disclosed:
     Life magazine could come and take
     Our picture, double-exposed!

     But meanwhile I am on my own
     Just making my own place
     And proving that I am not just
     Another pretty face.

     CHORUS:
     ’Cause I’m an average exhibitionist
     Just trying to get along.
     Society may frown at me
     But I don’t see nothing wrong
     With wearing just a raincoat
     We might just have a storm
     And you can see inside if I should open wide
     When I get to feeling warm.