Big Frozen Piles

A twangy, country waltz (not the kind of music I care for), this bit of vulgarity was Inspired by the way things were before people were required to clean up after their pooches.

I took a walk on one winter’s day
The sparklin’ ice was all aglow
And the sun shinin’ down
Let me see all around
Frozen dog turds in the snow.

     Big frozen piles of dog turds in the snow—
     Part of nature’s scenic beauty.
     Keepin’ in with the ways of God
     Them dogs had done their duty

Yes, some Great Dane had left his mark
Or maybe it was a Saint Bernard
But the temper’ture so low
That along with the snow
Them dog turds was frozen hard.


See the steaks in your butcher store,
Hamburgers, pork chops and the rest.
The shapes they are true,
The colors are too;
Refrigeration preserves the best.


The autumn trees shed their leaves
The birds head southward on the wing
And as you can tell
That dog doo as well
Is waiting for the first thaw of spring.

And then when our shoes
Get covered with ooze
No longer will we joyfully sing: