A Safari Song

One of three songs written for a cabaret show at the now defunct Adventurers Club, Pleasure Island, Walt Disney World, Florida. This one, which incidentally is in rondo form, was never performed.

It was in the month of June,
I was living in Rangoon
But I figured I should go
Before the next Rangoon monsoon.

     If you go on a safari
     There’s one thing you should try—
     You’ll get where you’re going much faster
     If instead of walk, you fly.

I hitched a ride on a cargo plane,
Said, “Drop me off by the coast of Spain,”
And to pass the time of day
We played poker along the way

But the crew was cheating, I could see.
When I called their bluff, they turned on me
And the next thing that I knew
I was stranded in Katmandu!

     If you go on a safari
     There’s one thing you should get—
     An instruction book on how to train
     A cheetah for a pet.

Met a wild, ferocious cheetah in Nepal
And we wrestled till I made that cheetah fall.
He saw I was no beginner
When dealing with a cat.
Conceding I was the winner,
We became friends after that
     So I introduced him, how-do-you-do,
     To the Lord High Mayor of Katmandu
But when he ate the Mayor for dinner
I knew it was time to scat!

     If you go on a safari
     There’s one thing you should know—
     When crossing the Himalayas
     You must be prepared for snow.

Oh, up up up, more than twenty thousand feet,
Up through a blizzard—the ice and snow and sleet.
I crawled across a cliff
Nearly frozen stiff
As avalanches tried to bury me!

But up up up, more than forty-five below,
Up where Abominable Snowmen like to go.
Up and never stop
Until I reached the top
And when I reached the top I could see—

     I was… alone!
     All alone!
     No cheaters, no cheetahs,
     Not even mosquitahs—
     I was alone!

So down through the blizzard, wind, ice, snow like confetti,
Down through the freezing cold, across the cliff, and past the Yeti,
Down like an avalanche, down the mountain, down the other side—
Where I went for a ride.

     If you go on a safari
     There’s one thing you should pack—
     Some kind of padded saddle
     Meant for riding on a yak.

Aack! My back!
Five hundred miles across Tibet,
Four hundred ninety of them soaking wet,
Five hundred more on a leaky raft,
Rained so hard I cried till I laughed.

Reached a town not a minute too soon,
Wind and rain felt like a typhoon.
My mistake—it’s just the monsoon.
Guess what, folks, I was back in Rangoon!

     If you go on a safari
     There’s one thing you should plan—
     Take a compass with you
     Or you might end up where you began!